Why “Having It All” Doesn’t Feel Like Enough

In my work, I see how overworking, constant doing, and the drive to stay one step ahead often hide behind the appearance of success. I’m diving into what happens when achievement is built on survival, and what it actually takes to feel better from the inside out.

Over-functioning is strongly connected to survival mode because instead of slowing down to feel or process discomfort, a person in survival will ramp up.

Instead of turning inward to tend to their needs, they’ll turn outward: trying to fix, control, perform, or prove.

Instead of resting, they’ll push harder.

Because doing feels safer than being.

And achieving feels safer than receiving.

On paper, and through others’ eyes, their life looks great. The house, the car, the boat. The finer things are within reach because they’ve worked hard to make it so. No one could say they haven’t earned their success.

They’re successful in all the traditional ways. An expert at achieving. They’ve been following the same blueprint their entire life. Climbing ladders has become second nature. And when they reach the top of one, they simply find another. It’s what they were taught to do. And this is what has always felt safe.

So why do they still feel anxious, disconnected, or unsatisfied? Why does it feel like they’re barely holding it together some days?

When achievement is built on survival patterns like perfectionism, people-pleasing, and overfunctioning, success doesn’t always feel good. Underneath it all are outdated childhood beliefs: If I’m just smart enough, successful enough, then I’ll finally feel safe, connected, loved, and worthy. So they work harder. Stay “on.” Achieve, strive, and produce in hopes of earning approval, praise, or peace.

Now? They’re stuck in go-mode. They can’t turn off their brain. Even when they’re with their kids or partner, they’re not really there. They’re checking emails, replaying conversations, waking up with a racing heart for no clear reason.

This isn’t who they are. It’s their nervous system in survival.

True healing goes deeper than just talking. Through somatic therapy, nervous system regulation, parts work, and practical, embodied tools, they can begin to reconnect—with themselves, their loved ones, and a life that actually feels good to live.

What Now? What Next?

If this resonates, know that change is possible. You don’t have to stay in survival mode. With the right support, it’s possible to feel more grounded, more present, and more you again.

First:

Awareness is the beginning. Noticing the patterns, the disconnection, the exhaustion: it matters. It means something inside is ready to shift. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be curious.

Next:

Working with a therapist or coach trained in trauma, somatic work, and nervous system regulation can help unravel old beliefs and patterns that no longer serve. You’ll learn practical tools to calm your nervous system, build emotional resilience, build better boundaries for yourself and access deeper self-connection.

Last:

As healing unfolds, your pace changes (while you are still able to be productive). You work and make decisions from a place of ease rather than urgency. Things slow down internally and you have more clarity. Rest becomes easier. Presence becomes possible. Relationships deepen. And that quiet hum of anxiety starts to fade, replaced by something steadier, softer, and more alive.

If this sounds like you, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.

This is the heart of the work I do ❤️

I help high-achieving, quietly overwhelmed adults regulate their nervous systems, heal the deeper patterns driving their anxiety, and reconnect with a version of life that actually feels good.

If you’re ready to feel more present, grounded, and at ease in your own body, I’m here.

I offer in-person sessions in Old Saybrook, Connecticut, and virtual therapy for clients across Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island. Coaching sessions are also available nationwide.

🦋 Schedule a consultation:

https://kasey-barret.clientsecure.me/

Kasey Barret, LCSW // Founder Barret Wellness